The Child You Were - The Woman You Are

I did not birth you

I raised you

I raised you with my mother’s heart

It was the only heart I had

It was untried and untested

But it was full of love for you

All I wanted was to love you

And to see you into adulthood

Maybe I took that last part too seriously

Put too much emphasis on it

I was scared for you, so scared

I was scared for me, really scared

I worried a lot

I know now that was unnecessary

I wanted to bond with you

But you sailed past me so quickly

And before I knew it your ship had set anchor

In that place called puberty

Even a natural child will reject you in this wasteland

You straddled the fence of your lives, past and present

Bringing with it anger, annoyance, and frustration

Over an unnatural situation at best

And yet, we made the best of it

I’m not sure I always understood your feelings

Or frame of reference

No, I’m sure I didn’t

But from day one

From that very first day

As far as my heart was concerned

You were my child

Even though there were connections we could not deny

Familial ties you were tethered to

Always present and haunting

Inescapable and taunting

In my heart you were my child

I wanted to protect you

To give you the support and care and love you needed

To help you grow up and become a strong woman

To become, as the other mother used to say, a good citizen

A woman who could have the very life you have right now

I guess you could say we were a success, you and I

Although I give you most of the credit

Anything I ever did; I did either out of intense love or intense fear

I was driven by those two forces battling one another within me

One day you flew the nest, soared into adulthood

I was ecstatic, I won’t deny I felt free. Not free of you

But free of the overwhelming responsibility of raising a child

A child I was entrusted to raise,

A child I was given the honor to parent

My child

My child of two lands, two mothers and a half father

No siblings, just three cats - Bonzai, Sassy and BC

My child became a woman and set her face to the world

She found her truth and now she is living her dream

Married…two cars, two kids, two dogs and a mortgage

Now your relatives are many – colorful and chaotic

Maybe the only homage to the past

Ultimately, I think this life you have is your dream

Not a logical mind dream

But rather a soul dream that is innate within you

“Once upon a time” has been put to rest

Happiness and contentment are all I could hope for you

This mother’s heart is grateful for your perseverance

And thankful that you are my child