Mug Shots

Where did you get that photo you posted?

No for real

It looks like a mug shot

Seriously, what did you steal?

At least I hope it was theft and not violent crime

In any case, your photo should be locked up for a very long time

Some of you post photos of you with your dog

Sometimes just one, or maybe its two

Too bad the dog is cuter but what can you do?

Worse than that, we are allergic, Achoo!

So, all I can say is good luck to you.

And then there are cars, bikes, boats

I suppose that is fine

But full on home interiors

That’s where you have to draw the line!

What are you selling, you or your home?

You will never know what the attraction was honey

You can bet it’s not you if you look like a gnome

But back to those selfies, I have never seen worse

Some aren’t even fit for a poor schmo in a hearse

You take photos in half light, in a mirror to boot

And upload your shadowy face and think it’s all cute?

I honestly don’t know what is wrong with you guys

Get a clue, get a grip, clean up a bit

Stop looking like derelicts out for a stroll

Or wild-eyed mountain men or some sort of troll

On the flip side we have you, Rico Suave, you think its fine

To upload a photo of some dude you found online?

News flash dumb ass, we can tell its a pro

Any woman that can’t, well she deserves it you know

And then, the pretty boys, you really are handsome

I mean you look so hot that I find it hard believe

That you are so hard up for a date, your heart on your sleeve

That you need to be here? You must be joking

Posting your beautiful face in this place

Save for the fact that your ego needs stroking

And to give you affirmation that you are smoking

Well it won’t be my fire you are stoking

I avoid you like a plague of toads loudly croaking

And finally, there is one last thing I must address here

Were the photos you post taken within the last year?

Or are they from bygone times?

Of times you want to recapture

Hoping against hope some woman to enrapture

Of days when it was easy to still get your thrills

Without having to rely on little blue pills

Five years or ten years past tense

What difference does it make?

When you look in the mirror you think you look great

Let me tell you the truth, now I know this might hurt

But outdated photos are about as sexy as dirt

And there’s also the problem, you know the one

Maybe the photo display is a bit overdone

The real you is balding and has a pot belly now

But the man in the photos has hair and is thinner somehow

Yes, that is truly a problem, a bit of a glitch

It’s not truth in advertising, no sir,

It’s called bait and switch